Lebogang Boshomane

A Zimbabwean Senator, Morgan Femai, has suggested that women shave their heads, stop taking baths and dress badly to stop the spread of HIV.

According to the Zimbabwe’s Herald, Femai believes that HIV is spreading at an alarming rate because men find it difficult to resist women.

“What I propose it that the government should come up with a law that compels women to have their heads clean-shaven like what the Apostolic sects do,” said Mr Femai, when speaking to a parliamentary HIV awareness workshop.

The senator also stated that female circumcision would also help in the fight against the disease.

“Women have got more moisture in their organs as compared to men so there is need to research on how to deal with that moisture because it is conducive for bacteria breeding. There should be a way to suck out that moisture,” the senator is quoted saying.

The HIV workshop was set up by Zimbabwean Parliamentarians in conjunction with the National Aids Council and some UN agencies promote Aids awareness.

Can you believe that that is NOT satirical? Morgan Femai actually believes — or wants us to believe — that that is realistic.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you’ve ever wondered why Africa is still a backwards, screwy and delapidated sh*thole, this is the latest reason why.

I plugged all of Morgan’s requirements into Google Images, including the large and much-loved “African butt” that satiates the public horizon around here, and even Google’s epic infrastructure failed to bring up just one suitable candidate, so despite the ludicrosity of it all, Mr. Femai might actually be onto a winning formula here.

Everyone knows no-one is responsible for their actions on the dark c*ntinent, so best we find alternative methods of controlling those who simply cannot control their 11th finger.

Sea Harvest, you seriously need to up your marketing quality control and your customer service.

I dealt, more than satisfactorily, with one of your competitors last week. Their handling of my query was prompt, pleasurable and efficient.

Yours? Well, nearly two days on and I have yet to get a read receipt on my email to you.

Police put ‘blacklist on the blacklist’

May 8 2012 at 12:39pm

Police chiefs have banned the word “blacklist” over fears it is racist.

They have also struck out its opposite — “whitelist” — which is used by IT workers for a list of acceptable email contacts.

Scotland Yard employees have been told to use “red” and “green” instead.

The move baffled officers, who said it would do little to help the force emerge from its latest racism crisis.

Thirteen reports of racism, involving 27 officers and staff, are being probed by the Met and the independent police watchdog. One officer said: “Frankly we all sigh when things like this come around. Lots of good work is done to make sure policing reaches into all parts of society and helps the most vulnerable. This is not it.”

The ban emerged in an email to Yard IT staff from security services chief Brian Douglas. He wrote: “IB (Information Board) are uncomfortable with the use of the term whitelist (and I presume blacklist). I am sure we can appreciate the sensitivity around the use of such terminology today so please ensure it is no longer used.”

The Oxford Dictionary defines a blacklist as a “list of the names of people and groups who have incurred suspicion, censure or displeasure, and are typically therefore subject to a ban”. It was first recorded in 1624 in a sermon by Bishop Joseph Hall.

The Met said the move reflected “a more appropriate use of language in a professional, policing environment”. — Daily Mail

The Met has also stated that no officer may have more than one Rebecca Black song on his or her music player at any one time.

Employment Equity and suspect racial profiling is henceforth permanently out of the question as that would necessitate the creation of black and white lists.

Lastly, in breaking news, the blacklist and whitelist terms are not to be replaced with lists of any other colours but with neutral words, such as ‘happy’ and ‘flower’.

It was thought that renaming them ‘good’ and ‘bad’ would be best, but items and people on the ‘bad’ list would feel hurt and the Psych’ ward simply can’t handle any more throughput. Colours have been banned as complaints may be received from people who are seen to be nature-lovers, i.e. green but in fact enjoy trashing it, whilst red might upset out Communist comrades. It is felt, by management, that blue is historically Smurf, and that in light of the fact that they have not been proven to be definitively make-believe, that they may be put out. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince has a strangehold on purple, the sun is linked, overwhelmingly so, to yellow and orange is far too commonly mistaken for amber in order to be used; staff may be unsure of which list to use.

Upon further investigation, by our committee, headed by the research group and aided by the insight board, the Met kindly requests that you stop arresting people thus kindly doing away with lists altogether. This will ensure the utmost care in preserving our accepting and forgiving society.

Long live the Queen.

Source: IOL

I’m sure most of us unfortunate enough to have spent a substantial amount of time on the dark continent have encountered these pathetic furry statues to idiocy. Often they are the heads or bodies of the ‘Big 5′, but it’s not uncommon to see such animals as warthogs, giraffe and antelope, etc.

Considering that we are some way along the calendar from the Colonial period, it is unusual though, to find other animal parts, other than their legs & fee,t supporting tables in pricey antique shops and outdated ‘boys clubs’.

It is surprising then, to stumble upon the following ad’…

I am rather perplexed as to why someone would 1. want a rhino’s’ penis adorning your wall, 2. how the permit application was completed with regards to the ‘description’ field, and 3. just how large the market for rhino’ penis buyers is.

From Octomom to porno mom

May 2 2012 at 12:03pm

She said she’s never do a porn film, but money problems appear to have forced the hand (pun not intended) of Octomom.

Nadya Suleman, who became famous for giving birth to octuplets, claims to be in debt to the tune of up to 1-million dollars, and has filed for bankruptcy. Suleman, who has 14 children, is currently unemployed, and owes money to doctors, teachers, lawyers and a cable TV company. Her house is also set to be auctioned.

After turning down repeated offers from an adult film company to make a triple-X movie, Suleman has reportedly inked a deal to do a solo masturbation film with a internet porn company.

According to gossip site TMZ, the company plan to release the video later this year.

Though there are no details about how much Suleman is being paid to do the film shoot, a source revealed: “It’s a lot more than the $10 000 she made for posing topless.”

As for Octomom’s vow that she would never do porn, TMZ reports that she doesn’t consider a masturbation video as porn, since she’ll be working solo.

“I’m going to eat my words. All that matters is I take care of my family,” she said.

“If it’s a well-paying job, and it allows me to move into a safe home that they deserve, I’m going to do it.”

Somehow I just can’t see her clearing anywhere near one million for a video of her flapping about, trying to show her entrance to Narnia.

Firstly, when last did you actually pay for access to ‘conventional’ pornographic material?

Secondly, of those who have, how many of you paid to see something resembling a crude version of the caviar extraction process with a mind to entertaining your jiggly bits? Not many, I’m guessing.

Perhaps we’ll be surprised though. Perhaps it’ll be a media frenzy! Just think, we might be able to buy USB hubs with Nadya’s face on them, allowing for multiple and simultaneous universal connections, or a tubesock in birth canal colours bearing her endorsement, or perhaps even a new, faster version of the Kalashnikov, the AK NS14, allowing for fourteen times more rounds capacity.

As an alternative business plan, I would reversing the idea. Personally, I’d pay not have my eyeballs scarred. I’m fairly certain there are at least one million other guys out there who’d agree.

The thought of OctoMom baring all, brings this to mind…

Source: IOL

I’ve just run across a video clip that may pass for the strangest film you’ll see this year.

Have an oggle at “Let Me Suck Your Breast”, a Ghanian creation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS4fMDzFfIA